Respect and gratitude for your body’s defences (a message for pre & perinatal + developmental trauma survivors)

We hear so much about fight/flight/freeze/shutdown/fawn responses. We are shown how to “overcome” these responses and how to self-regulate the nervous system, so that we don’t go through the ups and downs of life dysregulated. 

Today, I would like to share a slightly different angle. 

When I started to acknowledge and ‘treat’ my own deep traumas. I realised how I was dismissive and even angry at myself and at the ways I had coped throughout my life. I used to think and say to myself things like:

“Why couldn’t I cope better”? 

“Everyone seems to be coping ok and being successful, apart from me” 

“I could have done better with what I had, as I have had many opportunities in life”

“What’s wrong with me? I can’t cope in so many environments and everyone else seems fine” ...

Then, in my own healing journey I had the opportunity to realise that all those things that I thought were wrong with me was just my body’s way to manage extremely difficult situations. 

I couldn’t cope in many environments because I had a constant mixture of fight/flight/freeze/shutdown responses in my system. I couldn’t keep healthy habits because my body was struggling to self regulate, as a result of early life traumas.

You have innate protective mechanisms. 

If you have had pre/perinatal and/or developmental trauma you had to protect yourself from these situations. A baby or a young child can’t fight or flight. They can only freeze/shutdown. Later on many learn the Fawn response in order to survive in the unpredictable home environment. 

So please take a moment to acknowledge how clever your body is. You managed to survive because of these innate responses. It’s due to your body’s intelligence that you are still here now and have the opportunity to finally heal and integrate. 

Now that you know your reactions were/are functional ways to deal with dysfunctional situations; you can focus on your own recovery. 

In my own healing process I have learnt to appreciate my defenses. I hope you can take the time to sit with this information and feel self-compassion.
You have endured a lot and your body’s intelligence was there for you all the way.