Setting internal boundaries - part 2

Expanding on my last post, having internal boundaries is an important step, because if we don’t have them or by violating them; we unintentionally start building resentment in relationships.

Taking my example from my last post. You decided to stay home Saturday mornings to clean your house and to get organised for the following week, but a friend calls and asks you to meet them. You decide to go. Come Monday, you are overwhelmed and disorganised again. Then next Saturday your friend requests your help with something else, you decide to say yes again. You continue to be overwhelmed Monday mornings...

The next minute you start getting upset with your friend, mentally blaming them for not respecting your needs. This is just one simple example of how such occurrences can, overtime, build up resentment towards others. We can easily start to feel people are taking advantage of us or not respecting our needs. When in reality we are the ones who are not in touch with our own needs.

Many of us chronically over give because we are unable to say no.

A few examples of violation of internal boundaries:

• Committing to spend time with people when you know you need time to rest.

• Taking on new projects when you know you are burntout.

• Saying yes to parties, when you really need downtime.

Internal boundaries don’t necessarily need to be communicated to others, unless you wish to.

If the aim is to build coherent internal boundaries, it’s imperative to have a relationship with your own nervous system. Knowing your own capacity at each moment. Working closely with your window of tolerance.