The power of pausing to heal unconscious wounds

In an attempt to be successful and loved, we pile up our lives with tasks and responsibilities that we believe will bring us the love we need and the success we deserve. This is a trauma response. From a system that is running on auto pilot.

The problem is that this drive is coming from a lack. An unconscious message, most often, received in childhood. A set of core beliefs:

“If I’m a good girl/boy I will receive the love I crave.”

“If I do well at school I will finally get noticed.”

“If I become a member of the sport’s team I will be cherished and praised.”

For a young child not being seen, loved, cared and cherished is the equivalent of a threat. That’s why she/he develops survival strategies to get the love and attention they need.

We take these beliefs into adult life. Into relationships, career and all other endeavours.

In this state we are living in survival mode, at “its best”, running on fumes, using fight/flight/fawn and at “its worst” freezing/shutting down.

The only solution is to:

Slow down

Pause

Pausing is the simplest way to invite healing into your life. It costs nothing. It only needs you to practice a bit of embodied self-awareness to begin with.

A simple exercise:

Every time you start to notice yourself on auto pilot:

1) Pause.

2) Feel your feet.

3) Look around (showing your body you are safe here and now).

4) Then ask yourself: where do I feel an activation in my body right now?

5) Put your hand on the area. Allowing it some space to be felt and seen. Using your grounding (floor/chair/sofa) to be a safe base for this exploration.

Only do this for a minute or so. Don’t push it too hard to start with. Only a few moments here and there to start the ball rolling.

Pausing gives you the opportunity to reshape your nervous system by:

• Engaging your Prefrontal cortex (decision making part of the brain).

• Helping you relate with the sensations in your body (somatic integration)

• Responding differently, after pausing.