Why do I struggle to cope with more space and ease in my life?

For a nervous system and brain used to be in survival mode, having more space may feel threatening.

When the nervous system is too contracted, with “stuck” incomplete survival responses (fight/flight/freeze/shutdown), ease and spaciousness feel too expansive in contrast.

When expansive feelings such as ease, flow, joy and more space is experienced, you may find yourself distracting, feeling undeserving and unworthy of such experiences, making up excuses to feel bad. And for some of us apprehension for the future may also arise.

This can happen because the nervous system doesn’t have enough capacity to regulate these expansive states. All the above survival strategies are valid. It’s how the system knows to regulate itself. Distraction, for instance, is a form of regulation. Going back into old patterns of unworthiness is another way the system tends to cope with expansive states.

New expansive states feel unsafe, as it’s registered as novel. That’s why old unhealthy patterns can feel safer in contrast. The system prefers what’s familiar, even when what’s familiar is unhealthy and painful.

One way to work with this is to intentionally start creating space in your life little by little, at the same time as using tools for regulation; by building your list of resources (see how to create a list of resources in my highlight: “Resources”).

This way you will start to teach your nervous system that feeling ease is safe and that spaciousness can be enjoyable and not threatening.