Human connection can feel threatening to a dysregulated nervous system

It’s not uncommon for people, with a history of developmental trauma, finding difficult to trust others. As a result they find ways to detach emotionally from others and on a certain level this also means a detachment from life.

This is a defensive accomodation/survival strategy, a perfectly understandable one. If they couldn’t trust, feel safe and seen, in their early years with their caregivers, it becomes extremely difficult to feel safe connecting to others.

Life feels dangerous, others feel unsafe. Then many go through life feeling awkward, lonely and with a deep sense of something being wrong with them.

Then there are those who become high achievers, successful. Due to their own make up they find ways to be single minded, another coping strategy. But their relationships have no depth. In the eyes of society they look successful, but they are deeply unhappy as they find it hard to find fulfilment in relationships.

Survival strategies can be many. They are necessary. It is what kept us alive so far. But if we want to thrive, the nervous system needs to be addressed. A regulated nervous system is the springboard that will help you get out of these unhelpful loops.

One can never feel safe in their own bodies and in relationships while fluctuating between fight/flight/freeze/shutdown states.

The nervous system is the base.
Start from the base and the whole tower can be rebuilt.

With a regulated nervous system you feel at ease within yourself and in your own body. When the feeling of invisible threats are removed, it becomes easier and pleasurable to connect with yourself and others.