If you are a parent who worry you are failing your children. Read this…

Every time I talk about developmental trauma I get many parents sharing that they are triggered by the information. They say they feel guilt and worried that they are messing up or already messed up their children’s upbringing.

It’s important to note that developmental trauma is not about having parents who are simply human, who make mistakes from time to time. It’s impossible to be perfect all of the time and it’s impossible to meet your children’s emotional needs 100% of the time.

The two main important aspects caregivers can focus on are:

🌿 Presence

A state of presence is when you are genuinely interested and engaging in your children’s lives.

Participating with your children in play. Validating their emotions. Making them feel valuable as part of the family. Communicating with them from a place of care and interest.

🌿 Repair

If you are human you will get angry, upset or sad from from time to time. You will make mistakes. You will get things wrong.
But can you repair?

Repair is when you make a mistake + take responsibility for it + sincerely apologise.

This helps your children to not internalise guilt and shame. Plus it teaches them accountability and how to repair relationships.

If you are a parent who can practice these two aspects, most of the time, you are doing a good job.

If you are a parent who struggle to be with your children’s emotions. That’s not uncommon.

Often our children’s emotions can trigger old implicit memories within us, making it difficult to be present and supportive.

If this is the case for you, it’s possible to get help to regulate your nervous system to be able to stay present to your children’s emotions without reacting to your own triggers.

Does this make sense? Does this post help soothe some of your worries?