One aspect of boundaries that is often not spoken about is language

With trauma there is often a rupture (disconnection) from other/s, which creates boundaries issues.

From there on we can start to self-protect in relationships in ways that can be unhelpful. For some of us this can show up as being aloof and uncaring, avoiding getting close to others at all costs. For others, it can show up as being too open and too trusty.

One aspect of boundaries that is often not spoken about is language.
It pertains to how people interact with us in subtle ways that we may not notice (because of our lack of boundaries) that they are in fact invading our personal space.

The red flag I would like to point you to here is:

🚩Assumption 🚩

Instead of asking you how you feel/think, they will often say things like:

“I have a feeling that you ...”
“I sense .... coming from you...”
“I have the impression that you...”

And after using the above phrases, or a variation of them, they proceed to project their own stuff onto you.

To make matters more complicated; many people who often use this language seem quite nice, ‘self aware’, with high moral standards.

This can be confusing, as we tend to trust people with these qualities. Then we become more likely to gaslight ourselves, putting said persons’ opinions above ours.

This type of conversation/language is a covert form of boundary violation/projection.

How to know for sure?

🔸Unless you are in an intimate relationship with someone and are opening up to them, all the above intro phrases are likely to be one of those instances of boundary violations.

🔸If you didn’t ask for their opinion or suggestions and they suddenly start with above sentences, it’s very likely to be a boundary violation.

🔸Another sign is that they are way off the mark. You may even be silently thinking to yourself: “what are you on about?”

🔸And the last, but incredibly important piece, is to notice your body when in this type of interactions. Does your body contract? Do you feel unsafe? What sensations do you feel in your body?

Human interactions are complex and the above is not an exhaustive list of examples.