Regulated parents = regulated children

The human species is the only species that is born incredibly helpless and this helplessness last for many years. Even the human brain development follows this trend. With the brain only reaching full maturity in our early 20s.

Infants are born with no capacity to self-regulate. Humans form their attachment styles in the first 2-3 years of life and we carry this imprint for life, with all our relationships later on in life.

For this reason is incredibly important for mothers to be attuned to their babies’ needs. The old wives tales that infants are manipulating their parents for attention is incredibly inaccurate. A baby who is left to cry learns insecure attachment. In a babies’ perspective not being responded to, not being attuned to emotionally, can be perceived as abandonment, helplessness and terror.

It goes without saying that it is extremely important for parents to work on their own regulation. Children take their cues from their parents, specially from the mother, in the first few years of life.

If you are reading this and feel sadness and guilt for not knowing this information before having your children. Please don’t feel discouraged. As a parent the first point of action is always to work on ourselves.

Repair is absolutely possible. The nervous system and brain is incredibly malleable and intelligent. You can start now. As you feel more regulated, so will your children. You will feel more connected to them, and can work on repairing, if needed.

Please also be aware that there is nuance in all of this, which cannot be fully expressed in one post.