Struggling to ask for help could be a sign of early childhood trauma

Do you have an attitude of:

“I don’t need help.”

“I can manage things myself.”

“I can’t trust things to be done by others, I’d rather do them myself.” ?

If you have gone through developmental trauma (early childhood trauma) where you lived with adults who were unstable, unpredictable and/or constantly failed to meet your primary emotional needs, this might be one of your patterns.

Being overly independent is an ingrained survival strategy.

When children’s needs were not met by the adults in their home, they find ways to navigate the situation the best they can.

The child learns to become “independent” very quickly, even though they are not prepared cognitively and emotionally to face such independence.

Not wanting help at a deeper level translates into giving up. The child feels he/she can’t count on anyone, then “giving up” happens.

Giving up trusting others. Giving up asking.

At the nervous system level this is translated into freeze/shutdown.
Later on in life this giving up has many repercussions in relationships and general attitude towards life.

This giving up is not just mental and emotional. It’s is also muscular. The whole body is involved in this process.

The good news is that there is hope for recovery. If you have had developmental trauma, somatic healing targeting these early years is an important addition to your healing toolbox.

The muscles, fascia, organs need to release the freeze/shutdown incomplete responses from your system. The somatic healing process also builds resilience in the system and gradually trust, healthy patterns of asking, giving and receiving start to take place.