Children are not born resilient

How many times have you heard: “Kids are tough, they bounce back easily.”
This is something I grew up hearing.

Wrong.

Children adapt and survive to difficult circumstances, but adaptation is not the same as resilience.

Babies are not born with the ventral vagal complex (social engagement system - a neurobiological network) developed. They need attuned caregivers to help them fully develop this part of their physiology, giving them cues of safety, connection; attending to their needs.

Attunement, protection and emotional support are paramount to the development of a resilient nervous system.

Our bodies and brains are designed for survival, so children adapt and survive, but without good support to built a resilient nervous system, they are more likely to get into unhelpful patterns later on in life, as they learn early on to rely on survival energy to keep going.

The good news is that If you feel you missed the base in your childhood, it’s possible to rewire your nervous system towards more resilience, even as an adult.

Your nervous system is flexible and can learn new patterns.